


Black Letters

by Asnazu



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Brother-Brother Relationship, F/F, Letters, M/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-07-05
Packaged: 2018-03-21 03:11:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3675237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asnazu/pseuds/Asnazu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We don't know much about Regulus or his relationship with Sirius. What if they talked?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In the background I continue with what I wrote in Memories will stay. But this is about the brothers, so the only noticable change is that Sirius is married. After school he married his girlfriend Isabella Sccarper. Bells has twin sister Melody. She was also going into the Gryffindor and became an Auror, she also played Quidditch as a chaser. They live in the house Sirius built as the wedding gift for Bella (with help of James, Remus, Peter, his brother in-law Roger and three muggle friends Ian, John and Max).
> 
> I think that is all you need to know, but if I forgot something I will write it later.

12th, January, 1978

  
Little brother,  
I know I didn't call you like that for very long time, but now it seems convenient. I would not try to discuss this with a school kid, but you're not little boy anymore. You're adult and you will be leaving school this year. It is the right time. You have chance to be yourself, to cut yourself from our sick bloodline, to be free. It comes the time when you're old enough to choose between wrong and right. Between our 'family' and humanity and sanity. On that sanity I take chance, because you're not monster. I saw the humanity in you.

I know you're different but I also know it will be hard for you to separate from your parents (as you see I refer to them as your parents because they are not mine, mine parents are Mary and Thomas Potter, always were). They kind of snuck up on you, got under your skin and no matter what you do, you can't shake them. I'm aware of that fact, I don't understand that, but I know they mean something different to you than to me.

That is the reason I had to leave, I could not stand their opinions, their regrets about bringing me into this world. My very first memories are filled with hatred, incomprehension and disgust. How could they think something like that about other people? You know that all the pure-blood crap is a bullshit. I also know your are not insane, I know you have doubts about their beliefs, about Voldemort. Trust me that he is someone who you don't want to be involved with. You wanna know how Death Eaters look like and what they are capable of? Look at our precious insane cousin Bellatrix. She is picture of madness, intolerance, arrogance and pure evil.

I know you don't have the courage to just run away like I had (for that record I'm sorry that I didn't say goodbye to you). I wasn't sure if you could fully understand the problem and the danger coming from it back then. But now you're older, you have seen and heard things, you can make better image. I know that I'm not wrong about you, I saw the flashes in you. You're not sick and insane like rest of them.

I'm offering you a help - an advice, money, even a place to stay. Me and my lovely wife have spare room you could stay in. I'm offering you this as a man to man, sometimes man just need to know when he should ask for help and when he should accept it. Feel free to contact me - for accepting my offer or just for need to tell me how foolish I am. Your owl will catch me at the Ministry of Magic in the Auror Department.

It's time to choose the side, little brother. And for you I just hope you will choose the right one, the one you would not be ashamed of in front of your beloved ones and in the time of your death. You would have to choose between easy and right.

Your big brother,  
Sirius

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
28th, March, 1978

  
Big brother,  
I was wondering if i should reply or not for a long time. I was thinking if this is really you or it's some kind of prank or test. I was reading your letter over and over again. The last sentence about choosing easy or right way was the one that persuaded me that your letter was real. That it was genuine and you meant it. I heard you saying that statement to me many times, it was something only you would say.

It is not that easy, to choose a side. Not for me. Yes, I have doubts about our parents beliefs and yes, Bellatrix scares shit out of me. But I can't just pack my bags and run.

I knew some of their opinions are wicked, but I thought that maybe I could change their minds with some strong arguments. I hoped they were saying that from tradition of fear from unknown. But I was wrong.

I realised that difference between ours opinions fully when I was dating a muggle-born. I've never told them because I know they would be furious. I even don't know why I am telling that to you now...because you are...well YOU. I would be disowned if they found out I speak to you. I guess I know you would understand, sure your lovely wife (as you refered to her) isn't muggle-born, but she's not the best marrying material acording the Black standards.

Have you heard from Andromeda lately? I didn't talk to her since the time she came to me to say goodbye in Hogwarts Express when we were returning home. I heard she showed up that day with you in the tow as her bodyguard, packed all her belongings and they never saw her again. They never talked about her or mentioned her name or existence again either.

Although I appreciate your offer I think I can't take it. I will stay at home, because even after everything and despite what you think, that is where I belong. Though I agree with some of you statements and I would like to stay in touch.

  
All good to you and your wife,  
Regulus


	2. Chapter 2

20th, April, 1978

  
Little brother,  
It is your choice, you're old enough to know better. But maybe you're not old enough to see the bigger picture. Bad things are rising, I can see them - name-calling, murders, kidnappings, families and friends torn apart by death and much more. And this will escalate into something much worse if someone won't stop it. This intolerance and humiliation will form into a war. War no one can imagine. That's why I decided to join the force, well, the aurors. So I could fight for what I believe in.

I like you, sort of...well in my own family-non-family way. But let me clear something, brother. If we get in a fight and you will stand on the other side...I'm not sure I would hesitate, I'm not sure I could control myself. You would probably be a stranger to me, a man who choosen the wrong side.

But my offer still stands and it will stands as long as you want it to.

Andie's just fine. I honestly think that for the very first time she is truly happy. She married Ted, got her dream job and there is baby on the way. I talked to her few days ago and told her you asked about her. She told me to give you her address in case you would want to stop by. Of course under the condition you would never give the address to anyone. So let me know if you agree with that terms.

And let me tell you one more thing - I'm not gonna persuade you, no I'm beyond that for years. But trust me, from the very first time you start to have a doubts, you would never be completely happy there. They would force you to things you don't want to do and there are only two ways out. You can surrend to them and lose yourself and live life in deny of who you really are. Or stand against and leave.

Take care of yourself,  
Sirius

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
2nd, May, 1978

  
Big brother,

well I know better than to stand against you with wand in my hand. You're hell a wizard, I would probably stood no chance. And about that I will be a stranger...that's what we are, strangers, we never get to know each other. But now we get the chance.

Of course I agree with Andie's terms. I will never give her adress to anyone. I know what would be in the store for her and her family. I know what consequences it would mean for me. Send me her adress, I just want to write her a letter, congratulate her to the child, maybe meet her if she wants. But I know it all have to be in secret, that no one can ever find out.

And not only about her. No one can ever find out about two of us talking. And I mean like ever, it would cost us too much. I would be disowned if anyone ever finds out, I would lost everything. And you would lost your reputation of the only good Black, your reputation of your cold-heart towards your family. And we can't have that, can we?

Like I said I appreciate your offer, but I'm not gonna take it. Not now, maybe one day I will be able to snuck up my pride and I will come around. But not now. I'm too stubborn and too proud to do that and I know you can understand that. We are quite similar, how we could not be? I learnt that from you.

I never thought we would talk, but we do. So...tell me something about you life, about you. I want to get to know you, now when we are on the same page.

Your brother,  
Regulus


	3. Chapter 3

It was middle of the July, I was sitting at my work table in living room and writing another letter to my brother. We exchanged letter every week or so, depends on my work. We talked about everything and anything, it was like hanging out with James, Roger or Remus. I really don't understand why we never have done that before. Suddenly Bells came in.  
,,What are you doing, honey?"  
,,Ehm," I turned the paper so the blank page was up, ,,nothing."  
,,Nothing, right. Past few weeks you write a lot of letters. The last time I saw you write letter was about...how about never?! What are you hiding from me?" she put her hands on my shoulders.  
,,Baby, I could never hide anything from you, you would looked through me."  
,,Right," she laughed, ,,so what it is, hmm?"  
,,Okay, I'm writing to...to Regulus."  
,,Regulus? Like _that_ Regulus? Your younger brother Regulus?"  
,,The one and only."  
,,But that's great!" she squealed.  
,,It is?" I frowned, ,,I thought you would be angry."  
,,Of course it is, I could not be angry about this. You forgot that I have a twin sister? It's amazing that you talk to your brother. How long?"  
,,Since January."  
,,Well now I'm pissed, but only because you didn't tell me for six months. So what do you talk about?"  
,,At first I wrote to him to offer him help and place to stay in case he would want to leave. But now we talk basically about everything and anything. About his plans, my job, we discuss films and music. We talk about Andie, about...you," I looked up to her nervously.  
,,Me? You talk about me? Really?"  
,,You are my everything, of course I talk about you." The was pure love in her eyes when she kissed me.  
,,It's great that you talk with your brother, it was about a time. Do you know what I think? I think that kid adores you...I mean when he was present to any of your conflicts with Bellatrix he always looked at you with that strange look in his eyes. Like he was studying every word you said, every move. I think he admired you, your courage, your faith. You are his big brother after all. So I'm really glad you two talk. Now," she kissed me on the lips, ,,I'm going to procrastinate over the Rights of detained, when you're done, come find me," she winked at me and left the living room.  
,,Oh! And tell Regulus I say hi!" she shouted from the hall. I laughed, okay, then.  
_and Bells says hi,_ I wrote into one of the paragraphs.

28th, July, 1978

  
Sirius,  
I'm starting looking forward to you letters. I truly do, somehow they became my favourite time. I would never believe I will say that but I enjoy talking to you. I'm not afraid to tell you my thoughts, my feels, my opinions. Remind me again why we never talked before?

In your last letter you asked me what I'm gonna do now when I left school. Well, father want me to take over his business. He thought you will carry on his legacy, but well...you decided differently. The duty was left to me. I'm not super excited about it, but I don't mind much. I was always interested in father's job.

Also mother started throwing around these little hints and words. I have the doubt they want to marry me. Big brother, save me, I don't want to marry. That image scares me shitless.

I've never told you, actually I don't know why I'm doing that now...I've never tell anyone, any living soul...When I told you about the muggle-born I've been in love with, I was talking about...muggle-born boy. Yes, I'm gay and now I'm afraid you will never reply again.

In that case, goodbye,  
your little brother  
Regulus

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2nd, August,1978

  
Little brother,  
I knew it! You were afraid I would not reply because you're gay? You really think that low of me? Just like I said, I've always knew that you're drama queen. Just kidding...no I will start talking seriously.

I've always knew you're gay. Your obsession with your order in your room, your great sense of color combinations, your art talent - that are only the few of the hints you are basically throwing around. But what was the most significant one was your obsession with Quidditch players. I knew you didn't adore them only for their talent or flying abilities. Their muscles, dicks and asses in that tight, aerodynamic pants were the most significant things to you. Not that I could blame you, I loved Bells in that outfit. Wait - something just crossed my mind. Have you ever checked James out? That would be weird, well for me. But what I really want to know - tell me something about that boy you were refering to.

I see why are you afraid of marriage. They will probably choose some really rich chick from old family with a name. She probably will be arrogant, silly and not very pretty. Or she could be scared little girl afraid of standing for herself. You could became best friends, that's for sure, but you never will be happy. Or you would hate each other, in that case it will be easy to find secret lovers outside of the marriage. Or worse she would fell in love with you, but you could never love her in return. Or the worst case - you would ignore each other just like "our" parents.

Like I said before, my place is open for you. In my house and home you would not have to hide who you are or be ashamed of it. I will help you till the time you find way to support yourself, I know it would be hard to leave if you had nowhere to go.

your brother,

Sirius

P.S.: You are who you are. Some things can't be changed and you shouldn't let anyone to try. Nobody should try to change who you are, especially not you. Remember this - be yourself or you would never be happy.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

6th, August, 1978

Big brother,  
you knew? You always knew, I was that obvious? Don't tell me you knew before I did, because it got me a long time to admit it even only to myself. Our parents could never know, well anyone can never know. I can't come out openly, they would probably eliminate me.

And no! No, I've never checked Potter out! That would be so weird, he's your best friend after all. Well maybe once or twice I did, I could not help it. But don't tell him, don't tell anyone please.

His name is Billy, Billy Marcus. He is muggle-born, we were in the same year. He was going to Ravenclaw and we shared Potions and Charms classes. That is where we met and were forced to work together. And in the end...we didn't mind at all. He was my first big crush, my first real love...well and we also shared other firsts. I really like him, actually I'm in love with him. But he wanted to come out, he wanted us to be openly together, a couple. And I can't do that, I wish nothing more than that, but it's not a option for me.

I don't want to get marry but I have no choice. I can't come out, I would never could. Maybe one day, after mother and father will pass away, there will be a chance. And even then there still will be rest of our family and society. I would not survive that, even with your help. I guess I would have to pretend I'm straight. Even that image is killing me, at least I will be alive. And maybe I will be even able to find some kind of hapiness. They would kill me if I would tell the world that I'm into men.

That is just the way how it is. I know that, I'm not stupid, yes I'm sad and angry and terrified but I'm not stupid. I know I can't have what you have - a house, a family, beloved wife, well husband. I have to accept my life how it is and try change something I can.

All great to you and Bella,  
Regulus


	4. Chapter 4

12th, October, 1978

You stupid little twat,

are you out of your mind? Is it true? Did you really joined the Death Eaters? Do you know what have you done? Did you realise that there is no backing off? You can't just say you're done or that you won't do something.

I thought you have some brain and that even if you didn't join me or people like me, you would have enough wisdom to stay away of all of this. I thought you and I have some similar opinions. Getting the Dark Mark isn't one of them.  


Why have you done that? Give me one rational explanation. Or explanation at all! Till that time...we are done. You made your choice, you picked the side. Till the time you give me one good reason the only words I have for you are

  

Fuck you, little brother, fuck you.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

\-------------------------------------------------------------

30th, October, 1978

Regulus Arcturus Black!

You better reply, you little twat. Or I would have to track your stupid little ass and beat some fucking senses into you by myself! 

Sirius

 

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

\-------------------------------------------------------------

5th, November, 1978

Sirius,

calm down. You sound like our mother. You wanna explanation? Here it is:

I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING. Have a little faith in me, I'm almost at the end. 

Salute, 

Regulus 

P.S.: You know Marlene McKinnon? Maybe you should warn her, she could be in danger.


	5. Chapter 5

8th November, 1978

Regulus,

what do you mean by that? That you know what are you doing. What are you doing? Enlighten me, cause I see no reason to join them and for sure I don’t see any reason to stay calm.

 

* * *

 

 

15th November, 1978

So we are there again? You’re not gonna reply? Looks like I should just keep writing to you every two days or so…until you learn how to write again.

 

* * *

 

 

22nd November, 1978

Fucking answer me, you little twat! Or should I come looking for you? And be sure I will find you and you would not like the consequences.

* * *

 

 

28th November, 1978

How did you know about Marlene? I told her she should be more careful, now she’s dead. She and her whole family!

Did you have anything to do with that? Because if so, then don’t ever come near me. I would probably kill you.

 

* * *

 

 

6th December, 1978

Regulus Arcturus Black!

TALK TO ME!!!

Did you forget how to write? You didn't answer for a month! All I want is one good reason from you. One good reason why you did something so stupid. Then I would leave you alone, if that’s what you want.

Just give me that reason. Or I swear I will start digging and be sure I will find you. And you would regret that if I do.


	6. Chapter 6

15th February, 1979

Big brother,

my work is almost done, I'm almost at the end of the mission. I could not tell you what that involves, it wasn't safe, it still isn't. So I can't tell, you don't know how much I wish I could, but it is not possible. You have to trust me - no matter what it is, no matter what you will hear, I've done that to stop Voldemort. Well, I know I can't stop him, but I hope that I will weaken him enough so one day someone will be able to stop him for good.

 

Now I understand what you meant and why you had to leave. What world it is where brothers are forced to pretend that they don't care about each other? That they don't talk? What world it is where the good ones die young and by horrible death? I am going to try to change that.

 

I want you to know that I loved you, I always admired you, I admired your strenght, your courage, your faith. Actually your faith gave me strenght to do what I am about to do. You will probably never hear from me again, so for the very last time I'm calling you big brother.

 

Big brother I'm sorry that we found our way to each other so late, but I'm gratefull we did. I hope you will have a long and fullfiled life. I hope you will be happy with your wife and you will have a lot of kids and grandkids. I hope you will have the great life you are fighting for, the life you deserve.

 

I'm gonna ask you for one last favor. Don't tell anyone the truth, that I was the good guy. Parents will be better if they didn't know, even after everything I still have feelings for them. It would be better if they didn't know I was on your side, that I colaborated with you. You, Andie and Billy know the truth and that is all that matters to me. I don't care what other people would think, feel free to let them think I was stupid little coward kid, who tried to back out. I really don't care.

 

I think that is all I wanted to tell you, good bye, big brother, goodbye.

your little brother,

Regulus

 

P.S.: Please pass this message to Dumbledore - Voldemort's secret is very rare and very dark and cruel magic, I found mention of that in one of the books in the school library in the restricted section. I can't tell more than that the objects he creates to gain his immortality are really powerful and dangerous .

______________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________

 

„Have you heard about your brother?“ James asked. Andie winced, Bells squeezed my knee, I saw Ted has done the same with Andie’s hand.

„What about him?“ I replied as cold as I could, tried not to show any interest.

„I heard he joined the Death Eaters…and that, he’s…that he’s dead.“

„I know. He was murdered by Voldemort. Or on Voldemort’s orders, more likely. I doubt Regulus was ever important enough to be killed by Voldemort in person. From what I found out, he got so far, then panicked about what he was being asked to do and tried to back out. Well, you don’t just hand in your resignation to Voldemort. It’s lifetime service or death. We all know that.“

„So you looked for him?“ Lily asked.

„Yeah, I did. After I heard he joined them. And found him, but too late. Our parents twisted his mind, brainwashed him and he was soft enough to believe them. He was just a stupid, little kid, too coward to finish what he had started. That’s all.“

Bella squeezed my hand even more. I looked into Andie’s eyes. No one noticed, but I saw the sadness and rage in her eyes. I saw the hint of tears in them. And then she nodded, almost imperceptibly. That was the lie we were gonna spread over the world. Maybe one day we would even believe it. No, I could never forget, my brother wasn’t a coward. But his last wish was not to tell anyone, only me, Andie, Bella, Ted and some Billy knew. Five of us, who knew the truth, and would have to carry the burden of knowing and not telling. Maybe one day I would not hesitate while saying these words, maybe one day I would be able to say them convincingly. Maybe one day…but I will always knew.

 

 


End file.
